Name a SASUKE Kōji Yamada wasn't in and I'll say how he does
Mar 18, 2024 9:36:44 GMT -5
ahzoo likes this
Post by YourResidentKojiFan on Mar 18, 2024 9:36:44 GMT -5
Yes, SASUKE is back after over a year, yes, it's still the same format, and yes, almost nothing about the show besides the obstacles themselves have changed. However, the man who ran the show for multiple years, Ushio Higuchi, has retired as director and given the reigns to Masato Inui, seemingly a perfect candidate for the job given he'd already had it before and did well. However, Inui seems to want to add some... Shall we say, gimmicks, to the show, to boost ratings. And, being the genius he is, he's decided that the best way to do that is-
Err, excuse me, editor, sir? You've made an error here. That can't be right.
It is.
No, no, it isn't. Look, that part there? No shot.
I mean, that's definitely correct, I don't know what to tell you.
Seriously? Are we talking about the same part?
The part that says Inui wanted to forcefully retire the All-Stars?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right. I promise you, I've double and triple checked. Besides, when do I ever get facts wrong?
When you said Daisuke Miyazaki was the first person to attempt the Devil Steps?
...Okay, besides that. Look, we're going off script here, it's right, okay? Look, here's some posts about it on SMF.
Fine, I trust you. That's ridiculous though.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
SASUKE 28
Yes, dear reader, Inui's brilliant plan was to make SASUKE 28 the last tournament of the All-Stars. Takeda, Shingo, Nagano, Akiyama, Kōji, Katsumi, all of them are competing, but understandably, none of them are in the best spirits. While Akiyama was seemingly on the verge of retirement anyway, Katsumi was 47 and would soon create a group of competitors called the Black Tigers to teach, and Nagano had openly stated he was past his prime and didn't enjoy competing as much as before, for Takeda, Shingo and Kōji, the former two having made the Second Stage as recently as 25 and the latter just four tournaments removed from a Kanzen of all things, this feels like a punch in the gut. This is different to last year. Inui has an option. There is no bankruptcy or anything, Inui willfully chose to make this decision, to retire specifically the All-Stars, nobody else. To this day, it still makes zero sense. But, it's what's happening.
Though Bunpei Shiratori has made the 1000 IQ play of "Can't be retired if you're not there", the other six All-Stars have all showed up to Midoriyama for one last hurrah, on a renewal course that has been redesigned with both the obstacles themselves and the aesthetic look, with the course now being mostly black instead of the red of the Shin-SASUKE era. As for the obstacles themselves, the Godantobi has returned as 1.1, the Spin Bridge has been moved to 1.3, a new version of the Jump Hang known as the Jump Hang Kai is 1.4, the Soritatsu Kabe has been given an extra, completely pointless, wall, and there are now only 7 obstacles instead of 9. You may ask, "KojiFan, what sort of renewal is that?", and I'd tell you, a bad one. Everything about this tournament was bad apart from the fact that it even happened.
Enough about my opinion though, let's get to the tournament. Since the All-Stars are being retired, they are given the last six numbers. Akiyama, #95. Takeda, #96. Shingo, #97. Katsumi, #98. Kōji, #99, and of course Nagano at #100. The rest of the field is... Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. The numbers aside, the All-Stars have had minimal training since they've been figuring the show was done, but they're all still very athletic, and can still put up a good last stand. They're all seen talking right before the tournament starts, looking like a football team in the locker room.
N: Hey, look, we all said to just have fun last time, right? Same thing here. Whatever happens happens.
T: At least I get to compete this time too.
A: Yep, I don't expect to clear but it'd be nice. Any one of us clearing would.
Kōji: Agreed. We've all still got the ability.
N: And hey, even if we can't compete after, we can still watch. Maybe I'll get another protege or something.
Katsumi: That's a good idea! Be right back, gotta make some calls.
And that, dear reader, is how the Black Tigers were founded. (You're welcome, ahzoo, I gave you a reason to tolerate 28)
First Stage
So, after a win, you would think that the clear rates, especially on the First Stage, would be dramatically reduced. In this instance, you'd be right. 98 have ran already and only 5 have cleared. These five are decathlete Koki Someya, SASUKE superfan and new Shin Sedai member Kazuma Asa, SASUKE 27 finalist Ryo Matachi, double champ Urushihara, and SASUKE 23 finalist Hitoshi Kanno, the latter three all clearing in a row from #87-#89. As for the others, well... Nobody else has really even made a deep run. Because Inui has made the decision to retire the All-Stars, other elder statesmen like Yoshiyuki Okuyama and Kenji Takahashi aren't competing due to their ages being at or near some of the All-Stars. Combine this with the lack of American talent due to ANW no longer sending finalists to Japan, that already accounts for 12 people who have the talent to clear, gone. For most of the returning veterans who have competed, it's been death by Spin Bridge all around, with victims of it including SASUKE 24 finalists Lee En-Chih and Kōji Hashimoto.
As for the All-Stars, Akiyama and Yamamoto were also felled by the Spin Bridge, and shockingly, Takeda had the worst performance of his career to that point, failing the very end of the Rolling Escargot by dismounting too early. Katsumi did a little better, timing out just as he pulled himself atop the first wall of the Ni Ren Soritatsu Kabe, but it's still been disappointment all around. As Yamada steps up to the start line, a VTR plays of his Kanzenseiha and subsequent failures, as well as the training he's been doing in the weeks before the tournament. His theme plays as Keisuke Hatsuta introduces the 39 year old, 28-time veteran, 3-time finalist.
H: Under the dark sky of Midoriyama, we've seen a lot of defeat. Akiyama, Takeda, Yamamoto, and Katsumi Yamada have all been turned back by the First Stage. However, this man could very well break up the losing streak. Our 99th challenger, he's a SASUKE 24 Grand Champion and a longtime member of the SASUKE All-Stars, he's competed with us every single time, it's 39 year old Kōji Yamada!
Yamada points to his family and gives them a thumbs-up, then takes a deep breath and prepares to challenge Midoriyama for the first time in over a year. The countdown goes and the 105-second timer starts as Yamada runs up to an old friend, the Godantobi. Now significantly easier than the version used from SASUKE 8 to 11, nobody of note has had any trouble with it at all and Yamada clears it easily, next facing the Rolling Escargot that had taken out Takeda less than 30 minutes ago. Like the Godantobi, it was making its final appearance this tournament, likely due to only one familiar face other than Takeda going out on it with that being Naoki Iketani, who had just begun a decline steeper than the roller coaster Takabisha.
Yamada starts the wheel and hangs on for dear life as it spins, once, twice, and while his right foot briefly comes out of the hold on the third revolution, he's able to recover and get the wheel going again to make the fourth and final spin before jumping off safely. Though it did cost him a few seconds to have to pause on the third spin, the time limit isn't too strict, so a semi-quick pace on the rest of the obstacles should see him through to the Second Stage. The third obstacle will help with that seeing as you have to go fast, it's the Spin Bridge, which as I mentioned earlier has done more damage to the skilled part of the field than every other obstacle combined. Along with the aforementioned victims of it, you have Yusuke Suzuki, and while he hadn't yet made a big impact, he would go on to be the new SASUKE Sensei and make the Third Stage multiple times. There's also Koji Fujinami, who had made a very deep run in the ultimate renewal of SASUKE 18. So yeah, pretty scary today.
Despite the failures, expectations are high as Yamada is one of the few competing today that can say he's beaten the Spin Bridge before, having done so in SASUKE 27. He pauses briefly to plan his attack on the K-Mart version of Newton's Cradle, then starts sprinting across the spheres, one, two, three, four...
...splash.
Yep. Just like Yamamoto, Akiyama, and many others before him, Yamada simply had a misstep on the last sphere, tilting his body backwards in a way where he couldn't reach the landing pad with his hands, failing in a nearly identical way to Yamamoto in SASUKE 27. Nagano seems more frustrated than anything, Takeda and Yamamoto both look at each other in solemn silence, while Katsumi and Akiyama help Yamada dry off, handing him towels as he climbs out of the murky pond. After a minute to shake off his failure, Yamada is, probably against his will at the moment, interviewed.
R: Yamada-san, you almost had it! How are you feeling right now?
K: I'm, I'm not happy. I could've done so much better, and just like Takeda-san, I want to come back. That wasn't anywhere close to me at my best, and I... I really don't even know what went wrong, I thought my technique was good, but I guess not. Either way, that... That wasn't good. I feel like I've let my friends and family down.
R: Well, it must be devastating, but keep your head up high, you've done very well over these 15 years.
K: Thank you, I'll try my best. Good luck, Nagano-san.
He gives a bow to Nagano and walks back to the sidelines to a round of applause from the crowd, not saying much other than apologies and well-wishes to the other All-Stars. After exchanging words with his friends, he heads to his family, apologizing to them and stating how much he wishes he could show them that he still had it. Despite his seemingly somber mood, he's still glad he got to compete again at all after the M9 bankruptcy debacle, and after some hugs from his biggest supporters, he shakes off his own run and watches as Nagano prepares to begin his.
Aftermath
While Nagano would go the furthest of the All-Stars, he would end up timing out on the second wall of the Ni Ren Soritatsu Kabe due to not using the proper technique, leaving just Someya, Asa, Matachi, Urushihara and Kanno to take on the rest of the course. While Someya and Matachi would be defeated by the redesigned Second Stage, Asa, Urushihara and Kanno cleared it with time to spare, only to all be defeated by the same Third Stage obstacle.
You see, if you thought the Ultimate Cliffhanger was tough, then the new version, the Crazy Cliffhanger, takes it to a whole other level. The first three ledges are almost the exact same as the Cliffhanger Kai, but once you get to the third ledge, you have to swing your body and make a 1.8 meter jump, while turning 180° in mid-air, then catch the fourth ledge. Very, very difficult by all means, not a surprise everyone failed it.
As for Yamada, well, turns out the All-Star retirement was realised to be a giant mistake. So he would get to come back the next tournament, along with Takeda, Shingo and Nagano. However, that tournament... Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Folks, if you think I've been taking a while to write this TL, you're right, but you are not prepared for how quickly 29 will go up once that one gets requested.
