Post by tomatobhutan on Feb 3, 2019 18:55:01 GMT -5
In honor of today’s big game, I’m here to pose a fascinating question. What if the NFL had 64 teams?
Here are my ideas for the other 32. I love making team names, it unites me, the friend who always otherwise talks about cryptozoology, and the friend who always otherwise talks about the lewd.
32 New NFL Teams?
1. St. Louis Stallions (this name actually belonged to a ‘95 expansion franchise that was rejected in favor of Carolina and Jacksonville. The Stallions were set to have Lakers colors.)
2. Memphis Hound Dogs (another unused name from ‘95. Submitted by the estate of Elvis Presley.)
3. Oklahoma City Stampeders (idk their logo can be a rhino. Or a Brahma bull. Sounds tight.)
4. Albuquerque Infernos (came up with something similar long ago. Cool flame lettering, firey helmet.)
5. Fresno Fahrenheits (get it? Cuz Fresno has the highest temperature of any US city. Must be why the police are always so angry.)
6. San Antonio Dimetrodons (Permian fossil site? Check. Oil made from dimetrodons? Check. Scary lizard? Check. Species killed by a gamma ray burst? Maybe.)
7. New Jersey Generals (a USFL team, a league in the 80s. We don’t talk about the Generals. Oh yeah, and they played in the same stadium as the Giants and Jets. With 64 teams, the NFL of the future would probably have 3 teams sharing a stadium.)
8. Duluth Eskimos (not a big enough city. But the early NFL had a team called the Duluth Eskimos. They were led by colorful captain Ernie Nevers.)
9. Rochester Jeffersons (another NFL team from the olden days. They were known as the Jeffs. They come on the field and say “Our name’s Jeff.)
10. Salt Lake Wranglers (idk sounds nice.)
11. Des Moines Scarecrows (CORN LOL this name came to me. A stroke of genius, perhaps.)
12. Sacramento Rough Riders (I like this one. They would have an old-fashioned, rugged look. Like old gold miners. Rough n ready.)
13. Portland Centurions (the commander of a hundred soldiers in Rome. Also a Cologne, Germany team in the NFL Europe league...remember that one? Yeah. Some fond memories.)
14. Anaheim Admirals (another borrowed nickname from ye olde Europe league. Alliteration is great for team names in moderation.)
15. San Diego Sandpipers (*shrugs* a very unthreatening bird. Big, spindly legs that they use to tiptoe through the tides. And coastal city can have a team called the Sandpipers, they’re everywhere.)
16. Austin Thunder (cool, intimidating name for Texas’s Capital. Also the first non plural nickname I’ve used.)
17. Birmingham Maulers (sorry. Stole another USFL name, this ftime from Pittsburgh. There’s steel there and there’s steel in Birmingham...I think.)
18. Riverside Dragons (?)
19. Providence Steam Roller (a 20s team known for their grotesque husky mascot. I was born in Providence.)
20. Columbus Bulldogs (a Bulldogs team floated around the early NFL. They are best known for being in Canton, Ohio.)
21. Brooklyn Concordes (I’ll be making some new NY teams because the two current ones technically play in NJ.)
22. Harlem Beats (because of the Harlem Renaissance, and the great jazz that came out of it.)
23. Omaha Bombers (Hey, that plane that doesn’t show up on radar is from Omaha...maybe. I don’t know. Why not. Might as well mention that the Bombers name would have been used in the last unused ‘95 franchise proposal.)
24. Milwaukee Badgers (why not!? Green Bay has room to share...also an early NFL team. Shocker. Badgers are somewhat intimidating.)
25. Honolulu Honu (a word for a turtle, I believe. Very quaint.)
26. Louisville Yellow Jackets (cool, right? Right? I’m running out of ideas.)
27. Orlando Bandits (an almost-rhyme. Orlando Bandits rolls off the tongue very nicely.)
28. Little Rock Sharks (I admit it. This is mentally taxing. I’m extending my creative juices.)
29. Boise Express (potatoes taters fries tots chips crisps if you will)
30. Mississippi Motors (
?? Like, modded cars idk)
31. Hartford Harpoons (an homage to the old NHL Hartford Whalers.)
and..........
32. Syracuse Stags (thanks for reading!)
Here are my ideas for the other 32. I love making team names, it unites me, the friend who always otherwise talks about cryptozoology, and the friend who always otherwise talks about the lewd.
32 New NFL Teams?
1. St. Louis Stallions (this name actually belonged to a ‘95 expansion franchise that was rejected in favor of Carolina and Jacksonville. The Stallions were set to have Lakers colors.)
2. Memphis Hound Dogs (another unused name from ‘95. Submitted by the estate of Elvis Presley.)
3. Oklahoma City Stampeders (idk their logo can be a rhino. Or a Brahma bull. Sounds tight.)
4. Albuquerque Infernos (came up with something similar long ago. Cool flame lettering, firey helmet.)
5. Fresno Fahrenheits (get it? Cuz Fresno has the highest temperature of any US city. Must be why the police are always so angry.)
6. San Antonio Dimetrodons (Permian fossil site? Check. Oil made from dimetrodons? Check. Scary lizard? Check. Species killed by a gamma ray burst? Maybe.)
7. New Jersey Generals (a USFL team, a league in the 80s. We don’t talk about the Generals. Oh yeah, and they played in the same stadium as the Giants and Jets. With 64 teams, the NFL of the future would probably have 3 teams sharing a stadium.)
8. Duluth Eskimos (not a big enough city. But the early NFL had a team called the Duluth Eskimos. They were led by colorful captain Ernie Nevers.)
9. Rochester Jeffersons (another NFL team from the olden days. They were known as the Jeffs. They come on the field and say “Our name’s Jeff.)
10. Salt Lake Wranglers (idk sounds nice.)
11. Des Moines Scarecrows (CORN LOL this name came to me. A stroke of genius, perhaps.)
12. Sacramento Rough Riders (I like this one. They would have an old-fashioned, rugged look. Like old gold miners. Rough n ready.)
13. Portland Centurions (the commander of a hundred soldiers in Rome. Also a Cologne, Germany team in the NFL Europe league...remember that one? Yeah. Some fond memories.)
14. Anaheim Admirals (another borrowed nickname from ye olde Europe league. Alliteration is great for team names in moderation.)
15. San Diego Sandpipers (*shrugs* a very unthreatening bird. Big, spindly legs that they use to tiptoe through the tides. And coastal city can have a team called the Sandpipers, they’re everywhere.)
16. Austin Thunder (cool, intimidating name for Texas’s Capital. Also the first non plural nickname I’ve used.)
17. Birmingham Maulers (sorry. Stole another USFL name, this ftime from Pittsburgh. There’s steel there and there’s steel in Birmingham...I think.)
18. Riverside Dragons (?)
19. Providence Steam Roller (a 20s team known for their grotesque husky mascot. I was born in Providence.)
20. Columbus Bulldogs (a Bulldogs team floated around the early NFL. They are best known for being in Canton, Ohio.)
21. Brooklyn Concordes (I’ll be making some new NY teams because the two current ones technically play in NJ.)
22. Harlem Beats (because of the Harlem Renaissance, and the great jazz that came out of it.)
23. Omaha Bombers (Hey, that plane that doesn’t show up on radar is from Omaha...maybe. I don’t know. Why not. Might as well mention that the Bombers name would have been used in the last unused ‘95 franchise proposal.)
24. Milwaukee Badgers (why not!? Green Bay has room to share...also an early NFL team. Shocker. Badgers are somewhat intimidating.)
25. Honolulu Honu (a word for a turtle, I believe. Very quaint.)
26. Louisville Yellow Jackets (cool, right? Right? I’m running out of ideas.)
27. Orlando Bandits (an almost-rhyme. Orlando Bandits rolls off the tongue very nicely.)
28. Little Rock Sharks (I admit it. This is mentally taxing. I’m extending my creative juices.)
29. Boise Express (potatoes taters fries tots chips crisps if you will)
30. Mississippi Motors (
?? Like, modded cars idk)31. Hartford Harpoons (an homage to the old NHL Hartford Whalers.)
and..........
32. Syracuse Stags (thanks for reading!)