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Post by gojira5 on May 4, 2017 11:34:31 GMT -5
Stupid f****n commercials have it so right
my universe literally fell apart on last saturday. i was making dinner, the kids were playing vidya games, the wife was crocheting in my chair. she said "hurry up, i'm hungry" i finished the dinner. served the kids, got them eating, went to get her. she was so beautiful, she had stretched up one arm and fell asleep.
i knew, as soon as i tryed to wake her, something was not right. she was unresponsive. i grabbed a pair of sunglasses nearby, since i didn't have a hand mirror, ,,,no fogging. put my head to her chest couldn't hear a heartbeat. no pulse by this time the kids had finished, i hustled them off to their rooms. called 911. 50 bazillion cops and paramedis came. they tried to distract me with questions, but my adopted bro and my uncle are cops, i know all the code phrases. i know shes dead.
autopsy was done on sunday. somewhere in her life she'd caught rheumatic fever, and it scarred all her heart valves. one closed, and the scar tissue wouldn't let it reopen. death was near instantaneous. there were no signs of any problems. she appeared healthy.
heart disease: the silent killer. they f****** weren't kidding around.
GO TO THE DOCTOR ! GET F****** CHECKED FOR HEART DISEASE ! DONT JUST F****** DIE ON YOUR LOVED ONES. you could have it and not f****** even know. bros, you could die. please, for your loved ones, get checked. my wife was 40, skinny and appeared in good health. bam. dead. instantly wiped from the numbers of the living.
a tiny sad coda is 4 days later, was my birthday. happy ****** birthday to me, huh
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arsenette
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Post by arsenette on May 4, 2017 11:49:20 GMT -5
I'm so sorry.. I'm speechless. I'm sooooo sorry for your loss.
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Post by LusitaniaAngel313 on May 4, 2017 11:50:23 GMT -5
I literally just lost my grandfather a few days ago so I get how you feel... may she Rest In Peace...
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arsenette
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Post by arsenette on May 4, 2017 11:59:46 GMT -5
I literally just lost my grandfather a few days ago so I get how you feel... may she Rest In Peace... True though the suddenness is different than an elderly person passing because of old age. 40 years old and healthy is a shock. My mother had rheumatic fever when she was a child and developed a heart murmur as a result. She gets check ups regularly because of it. I'm so sad for gogira and his kids and their extended family. Losing someone literally in seconds when there was no outward appearance of problems is heartbreaking. While I have experienced stuff like that with family I do think it's different with a spouse. I can't even begin to imagine if I lost my husband in the same way. I'm shaking my head right now. I'm consoled by the fact that he was there with her during her last moments and didn't find out with a phone call or message from someone else (like with me).. still though. That's just too young. My heart is breaking right now and I can't stop crying. I'm so sorry gogira. |
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Post by blah123 on May 4, 2017 12:16:53 GMT -5
Truly sorry, friend. Thank you for sharing your story. If even 1 person avoids a tragedy because of this post, then your story will not be in vain.
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Post by SasukeForever on May 4, 2017 14:30:33 GMT -5
Real life is bulls**t.
Praying for you and everyone around you man.
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Post by skythenewark on May 4, 2017 15:09:46 GMT -5
Our condolences goes to you, your sons, and your family, for this sudden tragic no.ent you have to experience. I never experience something terrifying like that, but that must be a big scar for you man. No matter what, we'll always be here for your loss. Like I said, my condolences goes to you and your family.
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Post by gojira5 on May 4, 2017 15:24:31 GMT -5
thank you all for yor kind words.
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Post by LusitaniaAngel313 on May 4, 2017 15:45:51 GMT -5
I literally just lost my grandfather a few days ago so I get how you feel... may she Rest In Peace... True though the suddenness is different than an elderly person passing because of old age. 40 years old and healthy is a shock. My mother had rheumatic fever when she was a child and developed a heart murmur as a result. She gets check ups regularly because of it. I'm so sad for gogira and his kids and their extended family. Losing someone literally in seconds when there was no outward appearance of problems is heartbreaking. While I have experienced stuff like that with family I do think it's different with a spouse. I can't even begin to imagine if I lost my husband in the same way. I'm shaking my head right now. I'm consoled by the fact that he was there with her during her last moments and didn't find out with a phone call or message from someone else (like with me).. still though. That's just too young. My heart is breaking right now and I can't stop crying. I'm so sorry gogira. but one thing remains the same. It still hurts... it hurts... </3 |
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Post by gojira5 on May 4, 2017 16:20:37 GMT -5
loss is loss.
i've been repeatedly wellness checking the guy at the liquor store i buy smokes and incense at. don't even know his name, but him and his dad owned the liquor store. both worked there, we'd refer to him as kid, and hid old man as the old guy. his dad died about 3 days before my wife. he's normally a happy guy who calls everyone bro. when i went in on day 2 after my wife he made the mistake of asking how my week was, and of course, volatile emotionally, i dumped the entire story on him. he said " i'm so sorry, bro. i just my dad 5 days ago". we commiserate about how it's drag forward anyway, because its all you can do. i check on him daily, because both my parents are still alive, and i cannot even imagine losing the one i like. now, when i come in i ask him how he's doing. i watch his face when hes not in customer at the register mode, and the pain and loss is obvious, until someone needs checkout. then is the mask of genial goodwill. frankly he's been sorta an inspiration, because im only broken when im alone, now
i'm also inspired by that geico commercial "when you're a cowboy, you follow the script" left foot right foot left foot right foot squint your eyes so they think your crazy
also, retroactively winning all decorating arguments. goodbye, 5 tons of cat decorations, hello asian inspired decor. although sadly, because on the first night i contemplated self harm with it, my Daisho got sent to be with my eldest blood child (he's 17, different mom) who thinks its the most awesome graduation present ever, so giant fan over the tv instead. living room is now a library, and nicely organized
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arsenette
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Post by arsenette on May 4, 2017 16:31:52 GMT -5
loss is loss. i've been repeatedly wellness checking the guy at the liquor store i buy smokes and incense at. don't even know his name, but him and his dad owned the liquor store. both worked there, we'd refer to him as kid, and hid old man as the old guy. his dad died about 3 days before my wife. he's normally a happy guy who calls everyone bro. when i went in on day 2 after my wife he made the mistake of asking how my week was, and of course, volatile emotionally, i dumped the entire story on him. he said " i'm so sorry, bro. i just my dad 5 days ago". we commiserate about how it's drag forward anyway, because its all you can do. i check on him daily, because both my parents are still alive, and i cannot even imagine losing the one i like. now, when i come in i ask him how he's doing. i watch his face when hes not in customer at the register mode, and the pain and loss is obvious, until someone needs checkout. then is the mask of genial goodwill. frankly he's been sorta an inspiration, because im only broken when im alone, now i'm also inspired by that geico commercial "when you're a cowboy, you follow the script" left foot right foot left foot right foot squint your eyes so they think your crazy also, retroactively winning all decorating arguments. goodbye, 5 tons of cat decorations, hello asian inspired decor. although sadly, because on the first night i contemplated self harm with it, my Daisho got sent to be with my eldest blood child (he's 17, different mom) who thinks its the most awesome graduation present ever, so giant fan over the tv instead. living room is now a library, and nicely organized Hang in there. Please don't do anything rash. Thank you for looking out for the guy at the liquor store. I'm hoping someone can be there for you. The shock will wear off but the pain won't ever go away. Even years later it doesn't and it hurts like hell when something brings it up. The only advice I have is concentrate on the lives of your kids. They just lost their Mom. I appreciate you putting a brave face for everyone but Take time to grieve. Nothing will ever replace her. Concentrate on the happy times and don't let doubts or even old arguments that are pointless creep into your mind. One of my cousins lost her husband right after a violent argument and that broke her for life and she didn't deal with it. And when all else fails find someone to talk to. Unload on them if you have to and if there is no one find professional help. Life is going to suck really hard for a long time but never ever think you are alone. If anything - take consolation that you KNOW you are not alone. Even those small things will make a difference in the lives of your kids who if you are not careful can become orphans overnight. Don't hurt yourself. Please. ♥ |
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Post by gojira5 on May 4, 2017 17:32:49 GMT -5
i told the mother of my older boys, she has been a great help and comfort, since all of my support structure lives either 200 or 2000 miles away (Seattle and Michigain) and she trucked the 200 miles because i said i needed a friend, irregardless of the a*****e i was at the end, because someone she used to care for needed her. she's brought my 19 year old by so i could apologize to him for letting my bad situation with his mom prevent me from being more of a dad, and is bringing the 17 year old by sunday after the memorial so i can to him. i am struck dumb by the suddeness of this. i always thought wed have more time. now im aware that life is fleeting. and time could be short.
also, after that one thing, i haven't even contemplated harming myself, i'm the only parent my kids have. i can't die till they are adults. f*** i even went in and got seen for my hypertension and slowly spreading umbilical hernia, waiting on an ultrasound and a surgery schedule after ward/ taking meds for hypertension
ha i didn't realize the board autocensored. i went back and self censored my first post manually before posting
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arsenette
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Post by arsenette on May 4, 2017 17:43:16 GMT -5
i told the mother of my older boys, she has been a great help and comfort, since all of my support structure lives either 200 or 2000 miles away (Seattle and Michigain) and she trucked the 200 miles because i said i needed a friend, irregardless of the a*****e i was at the end, because someone she used to care for needed her. she's brought my 19 year old by so i could apologize to him for letting my bad situation with his mom prevent me from being more of a dad, and is bringing the 17 year old by sunday after the memorial so i can to him. i am struck dumb by the suddeness of this. i always thought wed have more time. now im aware that life is fleeting. and time could be short. also, after that one thing, i haven't even contemplated harming myself, i'm the only parent my kids have. i can't die till they are adults. f*** i even went in and got seen for my hypertension and slowly spreading umbilical hernia, waiting on an ultrasound and a surgery schedule after ward/ taking meds for hypertension ha i didn't realize the board autocensored. i went back and self censored my first post manually before posting Glad to hear that in your moment of complete despair you manage to hold yourself together. I have to commend you. Most crumble in your position. Sadly, I know that too well. I'm happy that despite the horrendous loss that you took the time to care for the living and you and your ex took the opportunity to patch things up for the sake of the kids. It speaks volumes that she drove the 200 miles to be with you. I'm happy there's reconciliation with the kids as well. I'm the youngest and the only one of my Dad. I have 2 older sisters from a previous relationship so I can understand the situation when it comes from divorces, etc. (Mom never married the father of her 2 kids but married mine) Hell.. half my own family is either divorced, etc. and they still don't talk to each other normally. So it warms my heart to hear reconciliation of any kind especially when it comes to kids. If anything it's a life goal for you from now on. Painful it came from all of this. Life is strange and very fleeting. I swear it's a roller coast with no safety harnesses.... My own life has been a minefield of deaths (some accidental but many self inflicted and of course some due to effing cancer and other diseases and illnesses). The shock ones are the worst for me. Those damn phone calls never get easier. Hell.. I spent the last few hours going through my own in my life. They still hurt and even years later I question why. I will never know the answer and I know that still keeps me up at night. |
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Post by hoseasasuke on May 5, 2017 8:39:31 GMT -5
Praying for you Gojira.May God bless your family.
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Post by hoseasasuke on May 5, 2017 8:43:13 GMT -5
What Arsenette said is true.I also have gone through difficulties.I don't really want to tell you,but when I was 8,something bad happened to me that still has an effect on my cult of personality to this day.
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Post by thatweednoob on May 5, 2017 15:48:41 GMT -5
deepest condolences
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Post by gojira5 on May 7, 2017 4:04:55 GMT -5
OK here goes the hardest part
tomorrow's the memorial. already had the final viewing last week.
tomorrows the big circus. i already have 6 extra people at my (super small normally only 4 occupants and maybe 1 guest) house
i've been killing my to do list, and should have a drivers license by next weekend. my wife had just bought a 24,000 2016 CRV. yesterday my mother in law came and took it (since she's on the title as secondary owner and put up over half the cost) so i'm trying to care for my kids, and she's cutting me off at the knees because she doesn't want me to re-locate back to seattle. i expect drama.
i gave my kids a choice, and they are going out to see guardians of the galaxy with their older brothe, instead of a bunch of mopey over emotional adults
wish me luck this is gonna be hard
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arsenette
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Post by arsenette on May 7, 2017 9:13:42 GMT -5
OK here goes the hardest part tomorrow's the memorial. already had the final viewing last week. tomorrows the big circus. i already have 6 extra people at my (super small normally only 4 occupants and maybe 1 guest) house i've been killing my to do list, and should have a drivers license by next weekend. my wife had just bought a 24,000 2016 CRV. yesterday my mother in law came and took it (since she's on the title as secondary owner and put up over half the cost) so i'm trying to care for my kids, and she's cutting me off at the knees because she doesn't want me to re-locate back to seattle. i expect drama. i gave my kids a choice, and they are going out to see guardians of the galaxy with their older brothe, instead of a bunch of mopey over emotional adults wish me luck this is gonna be hard I was thinking of you when I remember "sunday my 17 year old is coming". Good luck today. Hugs. |
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Post by gojira5 on May 27, 2017 13:38:24 GMT -5
so updates:
even with a last minute betrayal by the former mother in law (told me to use wife's smartphone for everything , including SS survivor benefits phone interview), she cut my phone service @ 14 hours before my interview. thankfully being paranoid, i was on it, called SSA @ 7 am adjusted my info, made phone interview. needed 3 pieces of paperwork, got them into SSA before noon. went and had an EKG, for my hernia surgery on tuesday. getting fixed after memorial day.
its actually way better for me stress wise, rather than having the impending betrayal hanging over my head. im much more relaxed and mellow
kids are doing great 11 year old got academic student of the week, 7 year olds doing pretty good too, no problems.
so onward to 6 weeks of recovery, them moving back up to seattle area where all my chosen family lives
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Post by TCM on May 27, 2017 13:41:06 GMT -5
Good to hear semblances of normalcy are coming back. The strength you have is above admirable.
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